Losers and Passives

Part 2 of Contentious Wife Equals Terrible Life

The way I see it there are four basic categories of men:

Category 1:  Losers. These are the guys who have always been fascinated with themselves yet generally have low self-esteem.  If he thinks there is something better elsewhere then he is ready to walk. Basically this has been in the back of his mind since the beginning.  His marriage proposal could have gone like this, “Baby, I love you, I really do.  How about we spend an undetermined number of years together? Maybe we will even have some kids followed by a terrible stretch at which point I’ll upgrade to a younger better looking model and you can go look for an old sugar daddy.”

Well if you are in category 1, then there isn’t that much anyone can do for you until you realize what a pathetic loser you are and repent of your sin and selfishness and turn to Jesus.  (If you think that is harsh then you don’t understand that without being in Jesus and then living in the Spirit – we are ALL spiritual losers and that there is also no hope for the proud).   At that point you can leave Loserville, and work hard to put your marriage on the right track…since it never was on the right track.  If you’ve already passed the point of no return (divorced and at least one has remarried), then Jesus still offers forgiveness to you and you can take comfort in Romans 8:1, “There is therefore no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus.” Of course there are harsh realities that cannot be undone but with God there is comfort and a new day…think King David.

Category 2:  Passives.  If wife is happy than it is all good, and I’ll put up with whatever.  These guys are the guys where all but the few Category 4 guys and the wives who have it together think, “He’s a nice guy.  Look at all the nice things he does for his wife.”  But if you look a little closer you will notice that is about all he is.  He is a yes man.  Or should I say a, “yes maam” boy.  He will do anything to make his wife happy regardless of how wrong she is or how bad of an idea it is or how much debt there is or who else has to get stepped on in the process – as long as she is happy.  He really does care about her so he will cajole and console, but rarely if ever will he say, “No, honey. I hate to tell you this, but you are wrong.”  When he does it usually isn’t over anything that matters – just little stuff – so he can maintain his illusion of being more than a little boy in an adult body.  Most Christian men fall into this category so please think a little more before you just pass over it with, “Hey that’s kinda funny,” and “I’m glad it isn’t me thoughts.”  I hardly know any good men who will say they’ve never had a stay in Passiveville.  The decision you have to make is whether to be a reluctant visitor in moments of failure or a willing long-term resident.

If you are a category 2 guy, then man you really need to go to Jesus and ask for forgiveness and help.  Then you need to go to your wife and apologize at which point you will need to tell her that things are going to change and she might not like what some of that process looks like.  She may look at you like your crazy because she is going to need to SEE IT in your life.  Rhetoric is not going to save the day.  You will need to be humble.  We are not looking to trade pansies for brutes.  At this point you really need to find a category 4 guy to hang out with – SOMEBODY WHO IN LOVE WILL PUT THEIR FINGER IN YOUR CHEST AND TELL YOU WHAT IS UP!  A category 4 guy can be your best earthly ally in this deal – hey he knows what it takes and you can ask his wife to verify the results.

“Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.  Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up” (James 4:7-10).

Next up – Category 3: Brutes and Category 4: godly men

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Not ashamed…

If one day I have a little girl, I hope she is a lot like Erika!

Erika and I have become friends over my last few trips to Mexico.  She is now 11 years old.  Let me tell you that this girl has so much boldness in the faith.  She tells her classmates, kids she has just met, and even mothers about the love of God and their need for a Savior.  I have heard her share with great love for the people and passion for her God!

Often times I find that we make the excuse for not talking about God in our own culture and find it not so hard to share in a different culture where we don’t know the people.  Erika does not have this luxury…these are her people…and these are the only people she has the ability to tell.  I find strength in her story and example…even as I go out today and know that I will have opportunities to share the love of God with people.  I don’t want to let her down.  If she ever asked, I would want to be able to tell her that her tall friend from Georgia is just as bold in his own town as he is in her mountains.  May God help me because I am often silent when I should speak.  Romans 1:16, “For I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ…”
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As I share thoughts from our most recent trip to Mexico I need to let you know that I am not going to attempt a chronological order.  Also, if you are wondering what has happened to the study of Romans, don’t worry.  I’ll be picking back up this Sunday finishing chapter 3 and starting chapter 4.  Notes will be available early next week.

 

Oh, think twice…

I was full of emotion as our bus driver (who knew maybe 5 words of English) had Phil Collins, “Oh, think twice” playing as we rolled back into Mexico City at the end of our most recent mission trip.  I was reminded of how much people need physical and spiritual help.  Imagine being born poor into a city of 22 million and trying to find your way.  “Oh, think twice!  It’s just another day for you and me in paradise.”  The week was amazing, and I hope to post more about it shortly.  Let’s continue to strive to love our neighbors…all 6.7 billion of them…those in far away places and the ones next door.

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Adoption – the roller coaster continues

James 1:27, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

I have been desiring to write about this for almost a week now, but finding the right combination of time, words, and strength has been tough to come by.

Last Thursday, I was having lunch with a good friend of mine at Doc Chey’s in downtown Athens.  I was enjoying our conversation and some spicy orange chicken.  I had my phone on vibrate as I normally do when I am having a conversation with someone.  (disclosure: I have a pet peave about incoming phone calls being more important than the current conversation between two face to face humans.)  The phone in my pocket rang once, it rang twice, a third time, and then a forth.  At that point, I had to say sorry man but something is going on here.  It turns out that Pepe in Mexico was trying to get a hold of me.  He had tried to call me first, but when I didn’t answer he made the smart move to start emailing and calling anyone else in Athens who may be able to track me down.  So still at the table I call down to Mexico, “Hola Pepe!”  He tells me that a lady had a baby the night before that she did not want, and would we want to adopt this baby little boy?  Wow, my heart lept, “I have to tell Claire!”

I called her office which is right downtown, but I was told she was at a meeting on campus.  So my friend and I go to the building she is in.  It turns out that she is in a meeting that happens once a year that has about 50 people in it…lots of UGA big shots.  I interrupt having come from ripping the gutters off my house and lunch – jeans and not showered.  Turns out she is on the other side of the room and I can’t find her so, “Claire, I need to speak to Claire.”  She hops up and comes outside giving me one of those, “Do you know what you just interrupted?  This had better be really important,” looks

I told her Pepe called about a little baby boy that could be ours.  She could not stand.  She just fell to her knees, crying with joy, weeping, heaving.  I kneeled down and held her and we prayed. It was beautiful.  The lights were on.  The cameras were rolling.  This was our moment.

Later, I got home and called Pepe again to find out more details.  The first words out of our mouth were, “Chet I’m really sorry.  She changed her mind.”   News like this feels like a punch in the stomach.  I felt bad for him to have share that news.  I felt worse for my wife and wondered how I would tell her.  I sat for a couple of minutes, prayed, asked God for help, and then made the call.  As soon as I say “hey.” She says, “Oh the ladies here are so great they have already decorated my office for me.”  I say, “Claire, can you get alone? I need to talk to you.”  She says, “No it’s okay go ahead, I think I know what that means.”

And the roller coaster continues with more twists, turns, loopty loops, and abrupt stops.  God’s grace is sufficient, and on the Rock of Jesus we stand.  It is anything but easy, our since of loss is at times very difficult to deal with.  But we are more determined than ever to see this through.  I am so thanful that even though she hurts, the Lord has given my wife a rare strength.  I am thanful for the many friends who love us and pray for us.  I am thankful beyond words for the compassion of my Savior, King, Priest, and Lord – Jesus Christ.  Regardless of our circumstances, we will praise Him!

 

Mexico posts

In order to make it easier for those of you who didn’t get to see all the Mexico posts and wanted to read them, I’ve added a Mexico category.  So on the right hand side of the page you can just click the word “mexico” under categories and see all of them.

 

Tuesday – traveling back

I woke up wide awake at 3:50 AM, ten minutes before my alarm was scheduled to go off.  I had time for a quick shower and had to finish packing.  Pepe drove me to the bus station and at 5:15 AM I was headed to Mexico.  The first hour I was wishing I had taken some travel medicine…the mountain roads were making me woozy.  But once things straightened out, I was fine.  It was good to sleep a couple of hours before getting to the airport. 

At the airport I met the President of Tennessee Temple University and his wife.  Once they found out what I do they began recruiting me for their online Master’s degree program.  Over the last few years I have thought about doing something like this several times.  The biggest considerations for me are how Christ and Bible centered, cost, quality of program, and amount of on-campus time required.  I haven’t been able to find the right combination yet, but it is worth another look.  

I began reading Biblical Eldership by Alexander Strauch on the way home, and I am greatly encouraged by it. For anyone who is searching to know the Biblical perspective on church government, this is a very good read. It is both scholarly and practical in its approach.

Of course it was wonderful to see my wife at the airport.  She had gotten a new haircut, which I like.  We had a nice conversation over a meal on our way home.  I’m very thankful for such a supportive wife. Though she missed me, she is willing to see me go again as the Lord leads.  To wrap up the day, I was greeted by a very happy furry friend – Daphney.  She was way too excited.  It was a long day of travel, but I wasn’t nearly as tired as I expected to be.  The only thing I didn’t welcome when I returned was the Georgia heat.  I had been used to a high of 75 degrees F, and a low of about 55 degrees F.  It was perfect.  As soon as I stepped out of the Atlanta airport the high temperature and high humidity confronted me.  If I only could have brought the weather with me – because we could sure you some of the rain too!

This ends my travel log for the trip.  I want to again thank all of you who have been praying and keeping up.  Please keep checking back, and I am looking forward to continuing to write.  You can use an RSS feed to automatically be notified of new content.

At the Mexico city airport

on the little train from Terminal 1 to Terminal 2

the flight home

In the ATL airport – almost done and ready to drive to Athens.

 

Monday – last day w/the team

June 2, 2008 – Monday

You can see from the post entitled, “attack of the man thigh”, that Monday was a fun day.  We also had a nice couple of hours in the morning as we studied Matthew 7 and the end of John 17.  We had profitable questions and discussion.  Afterwards we ate pizza together in downtown Orizaba.  When you just drive from the church’s building down the main road toward the bus station, you don’t realize how large Orizaba is.  The city has about 120,000+ people in it.  Cordoba which isn’t far down the road has another 135,000+. So in the valley area there are over 300,000 people.  

After basketball, we had a time of good bye’s.  I walked back to Pepe’s house and got some work done on the computer.  We had a nice dinner with several people at the house and good conversation.  The day wrapped up around 11 PM, and I would be up in just a few hours to begin the journey back.  It was hard to believe that the week was gone so quickly.

 

Monday – Attack of the man thigh!

I remember back to junior high when our basketball team had the old hand me downs from many years prior. It was always a battle for the two pair of larger shorts because most of us would be stuck wearing shorts that were way too short and way too tight.  Well on Monday I took a trip back in time because I failed to take any shorts to Mexico.  In order to fellowship with my Mexican brothers on the basketball court, I had to borrow a pair from one of them.  My translator Christian (who grew up in California) laughed and laughed.  He also had possession of my camera and took about 50 pictures of permanent proof of my humiliation.  I also didn’t realize that we had to walk several blocks down the main street of the city to be able to play.  Yes, people noticed and made sure that I knew that they noticed.  Being one of the very few white people in the area and being 6’4″ or 193 cm for those on the metric system, I already stand out.  Bring on the attack of the man thigh, and I am a one man circus!

I can’t believe that I putting pictures of this on net.  But if my humiliation can bring a little laughter to your day, then I guess it is a price worth paying.  Yes I am having to work hard to convince myself of that!

Walk of humiliation begins.

man thigh and my wife refers to my ankle brace as an “ankle chap”

Attack of the man thigh!

The giant has the ball – be afraid.

It rained hard, but we just kept having fun.

Ye dare not come closer to the hoop.

A good time was had by all.

 

Sunday with the Lord’s people – part 2

At the evening service we had a time of prayer, music, and teaching. The time of prayer I find particularly beautiful as many requests and praises were shared and prayed about. I was asked to teach so I shared “7 principals of Joyful Giving”.  

Here they are:

1. Everything is God’s! (Psalm 24:1 and I Corinthians 6:19-20)

2. I am a steward of what God has entrusted me with (Romans 14:10-12)

3. Do I want temporary treasure or permanent treasure (Matthew 6:19-20)

4. My heart always goes where I put God’s money (Matthew 6:21)

5. My permanent home is with Jesus – not here! (Philippians 3:20, Hebrews 11:13-16)

6. I can live for this life or for eternity (I Timothy 6:17-19)

7. We are blessed so we can bless others (II Corinthians 8-9)

We can live life with an either a closed fist with the desire to have ourselves first or with an open hand of generosity.  It is often an issue of faith as Jesus our Teacher will push us in order to make us more like Himself.  

Notice these examples of faith:  the poor widow in Mark 12, Zaccaheus in Luke 19, and the early church Acts 2 and 4

Notice these examples of lack of faith: the selfish man in Luke 12, the rich young man in Matthew 19

Special thanks to Randy Alcorn author of The Treasure Principal for his insights on this subject. It is a short read and worth your time.  If you are a reader from dcf then I have a copy you can borrow if you like.

 

Sunday with the Lord’s people! – part 1

June 1, 2008 – Sunday

Today we had a wonderful time of worship.  Between the Lord’s Supper service, music, and preaching the time was from 10 AM to 1 PM.  As usual it was beautiful and sincere.  During the Lord’s supper service I had the privilege to share the Scriptures.  We talked about the past, present, and future in relation to remembering the Lord’s death and resurrection.  

The past – Jesus filled the Old Testament prophecies concerning His death and resurrection – see Isaiah 53. And we look back to what Jesus did on the cross as the substitute for our sin.  Our Savior the Righteous One who gave His life for sinful people like me and you.

The present – As the Apostle Paul instructs us, we examine our hearts and confess any sin – because sin hinders fellowship with God (I Corinthians 11:17-34).

The future – Our Savior is Risen, and He will return for us, and we will share the Cup with him in the New Kingdom (Matthew 26:26-30).  The certain hope of all true believers is this: Our future is with our King!

Pepe, Judy, and I went to lunch, and we had a good time and a profitable conversation about church life.

 

 

 

Preparing to travel

I still need to post about Sunday and Monday, but it has been a better use of the time to spend it in fellowship.  I will be awake again in about 5 hours to begin the travel back to Georgia.  My bus for Mexico City leaves at 5:15 AM, and I hope to arrive in Athens around 10 or 11 PM that night.

If you happen to read this on Tuesday, June 3, please pray for a safe day of travel.

 

Wow what a Saturday!

May 31, 2008

Saturday was a wonderful day.  It started with another morning of teaching.  We finished Matthew 5 and 6. As usual the class asked great questions, and we had a good time.  After lunch, we headed to Tehuipango in the mountains.  Driving straight there it is a good 2 hours, but we needed to pick up people in several villages along the way.  I drove the blue Suburban that was packed solid with humans, but I don’t think there was a single complaint!  We arrived at our destination at 4:30 PM and began getting ready for a time of praise and worship and teaching with over 200 of our Indian brothers and sisters in Christ.  We started about 6 PM and were packed and ready to leave around 11:30 PM.  It was a beautiful time as musicians from many places shared their music.

One of the first people I saw was little Erika from Atlahuico.  She came up and gave me a big hug!  It was a moment of pure joy – so familiar and yet so special.  The love of Christ in the hug from her transcended all barriers of language and culture!

Here is something that should encourage all of you – especially those in dcf and particularly the dcf music team.  At the time of music last night in Tehuipango – I could hardly believe my ears when I heard Holy (a song by Waterdeep that some of our dcf band taught the musicians here in Spanish) being sung loudly in NAHUATL (the indigenous language)! How cool is that?  Praise the Lord!

I was asked to teach at the meeting, so I gave two short lessons.  One for unbelievers on God’s love and provision of salvation through Jesus Christ.  The other for the believers out of John 15:9-12,

“As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love.  If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. 
These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.”

After the meeting we had a wonderful time of fellowship over bowls of Pozole (a delicious soup – check out the gigantic metal tub they served it from in the photos). There was enough for everyone to get a bowl. We then made our trek back to Rio Blanco, but this time we needed to take a group to Zoncolco.  So down the mountain for nearly 2 hours and then up to Zoncolco. Now this is a road that is just being built, and I have never driven on it before – and it is 1:30 AM.  I think you would be hard pressed to find a road like this in the States.  It has no guard rails (most roads here do not), and if you misjudge things by a few feet, then you, your passengers, and your vehicle will plunge hundreds of feet to a fiery ball of death!  Praise God for His continued traveling mercies.  

After dropping our passengers off in Zoncolco we got on the autopista (Interstate) and headed back to Rio Blanco.  I was following Juan, but I was asked a question, got distracted, and missed our exit.  I was a little frustrated with myself because the next exit was a good 5 minutes away.  However when Juan went back to look for us; there was a bad wreck caused by a drunk driver.  Perhaps the Lord spared us once again.

We arrived back about 2:30 AM.  I had been so tired, but once I got to the house I had a hard time falling asleep.  The last I looked at my clock it read 3:30 AM….just a few hours before the Sunday morning meetings.  It was a very long but valuable day.  I am thankful to God for His provision of strength, and most of all – His love!

Erika

preaching in Tehaipango

worship in Tehaipango

The Word preached in English, Spanish, and Nahautl

Pozole!

Tamale!

Israel and Mireya – Examples of humility and love!

Jena y Aide

the young people like to rock!

More kids that are just too cute!

A little taste of heaven!

 

Friday – charged up for the 2nd leg

Friday marks the half way point of my time here in Mexico.  Today I was able to get a few hours of rest and study in the afternoon for which I am very thankful!  The adoption meeting that I wrote about earlier was a real blessing.  Also the doctor and his wife from Honduras offered to help my wife and I with an adoption in Honduras if we desired.  Just today they talked with a friend in Honduras that told them about a 3 year old girl who needs adopting.  Her mother had left the family, and the father wants to give the little girl away. How terrible!  I ask you to pray for this little one.  Claire and I aren’t sure exactly which avenue to pursue at this point, but we will seek God in prayer and wise counsel from our brothers and sisters in Christ. 

This evening I had the opportunity to preach here in Rio Blanco.  Our subject matter was Love.  Our texts were Luke 10:25-37, James 1:21-27, and John 15:9-11.

You can read a previous post about the Good Samaritan if you like.

Our main points:

1.  Love is the key!
2.  My neighbor is anyone I have the power to help
3.  I have a special responsibility to those in the church family, the poor – orphans, widows, and aliens
4.  Jesus desires us to be full of joy.
5.  The fullness of my joy in Christ is normally in proportion to my obedience to Christ.
6.  Being full of joy should be the standard for the Christian life, not the exception

It is late, and the schedule for tomorrow is full.  I will be teaching the missionaries for a couple of hours in the morning, and then we will drive a couple of hours to Tehaipango where there will be a music event with many musicians and people from various places.  I have been asked to give a message there.     The Lord has been gracious to provide physical strength, mental alertness, and fullness of spirit.  Thank you to all those who have been praying for me and please continue to do so.  I am truly blessed to have people in this world who truly love and care! 

p.s. I didn’t take a single picture today. I will try to be more faithful with the camera tomorrow.

 

More teaching and a visit to Zoncolco

May 29, 2008 – Thursday

Here’s a picture of the majority of the missionary team I have been teaching this week.  We have been having a wonderful time…we have had good fellowship and good questions.  In the morning we spent about three hours in the Word, first answering some questions from the previous lesson on the 7 churches in Revelation 2-3, and then beginning a new study on the Sermon on the Mount, Matthew 5-7.  We made it through the first 32 verses of chapter 5.  

After our time in the morning we all went to lunch, and once again the food was delicious.  I did have some spicy (pica) items that made my mouth burn and my eyes tear up.  It was a good hurt.  

After lunch, we divided into several teams to visit some villages in the mountains.  The group I was with went to Zoncolco.  In the past, this has required a hike of close to 2 hours (at least for me).  Now a road is being built so our walk was relatively short.  Sadly, the Jehovah’s Witnesses have been at work in this area. If you are not familiar with their teachings they believe that Jesus was actually Michael the Archangel (not the Son of God), they deny the physical resurrection of Jesus, they believe only 144,000 will actually make it to heaven, they deny the existence of hell, and many other heresies.  They are very far away from the truth of what the Bible teaches.  

Lencho, Christian and I had the opportunity to speak to with two families, one who was being influenced by the JWs, and another family that is concerned for their neighbors and wanted to know how they should handle the situation.  Both opportunities were a blessing.  As normal both families offered us food, at the first house they gave me what I can only describe as a hot smoothie, and at the second house I had a cup of soup.  

After these visits we went to a meeting where they asked me to speak a short message, and then we sang a good number of songs together.  The people were very enthusiastic to sing.  Oh I forgot to mention that there is not electricity in this area, so we carried a generator along with the equipment to show a film and power point slides for the music.  

In the pictures you will see a bunch of children at the meeting.  We had a great time with my camera as they love to have their picture taken and then to see it on the viewer.  After the generator went out we hardly had any light in the house – just a couple of candles, and it was a great opportunity for me to play tickle monster with the kids.  You should have heard their laughter…and that of the adults!

It is the rainy season, but thankfully I didn’t fall on the hike back to the truck. 

 

Adoption Meeting

Ok, here is the update on what happened at the adoption meeting.  The lady I met with is one of the people in charge in this area at the DIF…our equivalent is DFCS.  At the beginning the conversation was a little discouraging as we talked about the process of getting our massive amount of paperwork translated into Spanish and through the proper channels.  Because we are from the U.S.A the normal process is to go through the Mexican Consulate in Atlanta, which then sends the paper work to Mexico City, and then they send it to Jalapa, and then to Orizaba. She said that the process can take more than a year.  She was also very frustrated by this because they have many children who need adopting.  

However, she told us that through a civil organization like an orphanage in Mexico the process can go much more quickly.  I knew the church here had talked about the possibility of starting an orphanage, but I was surprised when Pepe told me that they had recently completed all of their paper work and received approval to begin an orphanage.  Later Pepe called a lawyer in the church about this, and he stated the process could be done in as little as three months.  Step by step we continue to trust God to open doors for us in His time.